[ There is a song from a silly Disney movie that captures perfectly how I am feeling at the moment. ]

"My world has changed and so have I,
I've learned to choose and even learned to say good-bye.
The path ahead so hard to see.
It winds and bends, but where it ends depends on only me.
In my heart I don't feel a part of so much I've known.
Now it feels it's time to start a new life on my own.
But where do I go from here?
So many voices ringing in my ears.
Which is the voice that I was meant to hear?
How will I know? where do I go?
From here."

When I look ahead to my life a month from now, two months from now, I see nothing. I have absolutely no clue where I will be next year. I have spent so much of the last few months justifying the possibility of moving back to Bangkok and in the process have had so many difficult conversations with Chris. I said hurtful things to a man that didn't deserve them because I was so very, very angry with myself for making yet another decision that felt so right at the time, but that led me to another dead end. Again I feel like I have to break down the wall that is up in front of me and forge my own path towards my bliss. But I have no idea where my happiness lies. All I know is I want to go home for a while and see if my heart--and my Goddess--will have answers for me. (And then I will pray for the strength to make whatever heart-breaking decision awaits me.)

A few weeks ago I decided to stop thinking about the future and live in the moment because we were coming up to Halloween, then Thanksgiving, then Christmas. These are the celebrations unique to living in the States, helping my girls into their costumes and eating a big dinner with my new family and shopping like a lunatic for all the people that have made this year so special. Sometimes I'll be on the phone with my mother and she'll ask me about the future, ask me what I've decided, and I have to tell her that I haven't made a decision and honestly don't know what the future holds. For someone who has always had all the answers (or at least most of them), this is a strange place to be in. I believe, though, that my Goddess is trying to teach me an important lesson: sometimes all you can do is go with the flow and trust that the answers will reveal themselves to you.

I did a tarot reading a while ago and this is the part that stuck, the part that I hold on to for dear life:

"...advises you to respect your own decision making process. Instead of berating yourself for indecisiveness, appreciate the various implications of possible choices. Avoid pushing yourself to make a commitment. Keep meditating, watching the situation and witnessing the forces at work. At some point you will have enough information to see clearly. The decision-making process will be over and the choice will be clear."

Here's hoping.

Tags: decisions, holidailies, lost in thought, lyrics, moving, tarot
Current Location: Sunset Hills, MO
Current Mood: thoughtful

http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/boingboing/iBag/~3/tBzXS7lzPxk/update-on-the-frazet.html

Here's an update on the arrest of Frank Frazetta's son, who was charged with swiping at least $20 million of his father's paintings last week. The story has a few twists and turns, as you might imagine in a case in which an adult child has been accused of ripping off his own parent.

The details are fuzzy, but it sounds like Frazetta's adult children are fighting over the art created by their father, who is 81 years old and has dementia. Three of his children apparently want to sell the paintings (one painting recently went for $1 million, and it wasn't even one of Frazetta's most famous works) while Frank Jr. apparently doesn't want to sell them off, and that's why he broke into the family museum to take the paintings.

Heidi MacDonald of The Beat adds this important bit:

The REAL bombshell, however, comes from a notary who says that Frank Frazetta Sr. came to her nine days before the aborted heist and asked her to notarize a power of attorney removing control of the art from Bill, Heidi and Holly and giving it to Frank Jr! “He was in the right frame of mind,” said the notary.

Frazetta Heist update: Notary drops bombshell

I'm annoyed with a woman that the boyfriend knows. She's someone he's known for most of his life, the daughter of a friend of his mothers. I don't feel insecure about her. This is mean but I'm going to be honest here... she's very unattractive, not his type, and very much older than him. I've ignored her since I've known him as she rarely comes around but since we've been on Facebook she has been making her presence more and more known.

I have a lot of respect for her. She was on hard drugs and is recovering. She's also overcome a traumatic brain injury. I've been very nice to her, and even offered her rides to NA meetings as she has no transportation. She's just starting to demand attention now and ask for things when I'd rather not be bothered with her.

Let me start with the Facebook posts. I'll say something regarding the boyfriend and she'll add her two cents in... saying she was at his house, in his room, and such and so forth happened. Well, I'm at his house a lot or on the phone/computer with him when I'm not with him in person and I've not heard or seen her over there. I'll ask him about it and he'll say she's not been over in a long time and that she must be referring to something that happened years ago. He won't even recall whatever it is she says happened. Well, the way she words it, it sounds like she spends a lot of time hanging out in his bedroom. This doesn't look good to me, for other people reading this stuff.

There there's the events. She always says she's going to attend. Fine, come, support him as a friend.... only she doesn't buy anything and isn't going to buy anything so why come and stand around? Space is limited... I help him. His nephew often comes, why bring another person? There needs to be room for other artists and customers. Plus, if she wants to buy something, she can just come over and do so. This is not an opportunity to just hang out. And then she invites all her friends from NA. Not art enthusiasts, just other recovering drug addicts who want to hang out.

Then... the final straw... she has no vehicle. She's always asking for rides. So, the event tomorrow, I'm supposed to help Scottie set up and sell stuff... and she wants me to come pick her up! For what? To hang out? If you're not purchasing art, you don't need to be there!!! And, trust me, she's not buying anything. This is not a social event. We're going to be busy, selling art, not socializing. She invited all her friends too. Why can't they give her a ride? Why does she have to interfere with me and Scottie? We'll be busy!!

I'm not trying to be mean, but she's not someone that needs to be hanging around during events. Just to be honest here and paint a picture.... either due to her brain injury or her past drug abuse... she says whatever... cusses in public, tells everyone about her drug problems and her past, just to anyone who listens. And her appearance... I do try to dress nice and look somewhat classy. I like leather and chains too.... only I don't look good in them. Some people do....she does not. Mixed with her old dirty clothes, she looks like a homeless person. And then there's the gray mullet!! And, also, the FUCK OFF t-shirt I saw her wearing in Walmart! I'd rather she just stay away from me and Scottie and his events.... but what do you do?

Anyway, I'm not giving her a ride tomorrow and I hope she stays away. I am trying to help the b/f better himself, improve his image and impressions people have of him. I'm trying to help him be better spoken and well mannered and business and professional like. She is not helping things and his family certainly isn't as well. He has really tried to overcome obstacles and better himself in life and I do what I can to encourage him. I wonder sometimes if I'm fighting a battle I cannot win here and should just bow out gracefully.

• 19:11 Wish the whole thing was on Blip.fm, I really like this song. ♫ blip.fm/~hwzp2 #
• 19:17 @samanthagrace The holiday decorations on the Castle look really cool this year. #
• 19:20 This one is for you @AmeliaG Scientists spot nearby 'super-Earth' www.cnn.com/2009/TECH/12/16/super.earth.discovery/index.html #
• 19:26 @xianvox Love your Capone quote on that: "You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone." so true #
• 12:18 Watched The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance last night. What a great movie. First time John Wayne called somebody (James Stewart) 'Pilgrim' #

Gratitude:

* warm showers in the morning
* Willow's paws pressed against me under the covers
* errands that get me away from my desk
* my little fuzzy candycane antler reindeer from my old boss
* snowman cookie from Mike's house
* stroll through Festival of the Last Minute on a warm, misty day
* extra little catnip pillows thrown in with purchase, enough for Willow and my step-mom's cats
* box of tiny oranges, each one perfect
* so much healthy, delicious food at home
* enjoyable werk potluck with good food
* quiet, uneventful werkdays in the office
* $20 still left on my Backspace card
* Nice conversation with (step) sister-in-law about Christmas Eve - excited about making the stuffing
* knowing how to fold paper snowflakes so they come out six-sided
* The last of Joshua's organic chicken soup for dinner last night
* Grand Central Bakery's Como loaf
* purple fuzzy things
* "happiness gourds" at Saturday Market, filled with magic sand that releases happiness when shaken
* glitter on Xmas cards
* peppermint tea
* little older lady on the Max with a Calvin Klein bag reading a "non-GMO food guide"
* my 13 year old niece's Xmas request for "rockin" scarves and hats - yeah punk rock! (Also her 15 year old brother listens to Led Zeppelin and System of a Down?! I can get behind this.)

http://www.bestweekever.tv/2009-12-17/jersey-shores-the-situation-is-every-girls-dreamish/

http://www.bestweekever.tv/?p=49692

MTV just had an impromptu holiday party a couple of floors above my office. I had planned on stopping by later on, but when someone mentioned that the cast of The Jersey Shore was going to be there, I put my Rocketeer Halloween costume on and jetpacked my ass up to the 23rd floor.

A large conference room which reeked of (delicious) chicken fingers was filled to the brim with MTV’s finest* (*a euphemism for “everyone”). And there, in the corner, stood part of the cast in all their navy brown glory: Sammi and Pauly D (who looks like a study Mulan). Pauly has always been my favorite, but in person, looked more beautiful Hawaiian woman than Guido.

And there, in front of me.

Was.

THE SITUATION.

I couldn’t resist. This was my moment. There he stood, shorter than I would have imagined, wearing a shiny silver blazer and a face that said “How did I get here?” I rolled up as only a Collins could and began what would end up being THE BEST CONVERSATION OF MY LIFE:

Me: The Situationnnnnnnn! (seriously, that many n’s)

Situation: (mobbed by people with cameras) Hey.

Me: Can you believe it? One month ago, you walk into this room, no one cares who you are. Now look at you.

Situation: Yeah, I know. It’s crazy.

Me: So listennnnnn. You should stick with me tonight. I know everyone here*. (Giant lie.) I’ll introduce you to all the girls at MTV. I think I might be a little too tall for you* (Note: At 6′1″, I stood about 5 inches his senior.)

Situation: Nah, nah, you’re gorgeous.*

Me: (super idiot high voice) Siiiiitchuh.

The End.

Verdict: I’m in love. Also he seems like a nice enough guy who is clearly enjoying the attention. Because I am a lady, I did not ask to dry clean my cowlneck tunic on his washboard stummies, however according to my sources he gladly showed his abs off to anyone who asked.

In a related story, I now have my life’s greatest regret. Good day.

*Ed. Note: OMG.

http://www.bestweekever.tv/2009-12-17/video-drunk-4-year-old-steals-christmas-presents-becomes-hero-to-all-4-year-olds/

http://www.bestweekever.tv/?p=49687

A four-year-old kid stole a beer, got drunk, put on a dress, snuck into the neighbors’ house, and stole their Christmas presents?? That’s the most rock and roll thing I’ve ever heard.

This kid is literally now the greatest rock band that ever lived. He’s walking out as a special guest at the next Rock N’ Roll Hall Of Fame concert alongside will.i.am and Stevie Van Zandt to cover Aerosmith’s “Dream On” then Steven Tyler walks out in the middle of the song!!! This is definitely happening.

(via Dlisted)

http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/boingboing/iBag/~3/y886eFradIc/see-through-never-cl.html

The $20 PermaFLOW Never-Clog Drain seems like a good idea!

With its innovative, self-cleaning design and integrated wiper that removes blockage, PermaFLOW eliminates the need for chemical drain cleaners, plungers, and expensive pipe repairs. This smart alternative to traditional P-traps installs in a snap and even allows for easy retrieval of accidentally lost jewelry and other items.

Amazon has videos of it in action.

http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/boingboing/iBag/~3/5s2uvn8puBc/chicago-md-better-at.html

In 2004, doctor Mark Weinberger vanished from a private yacht in the Aegean. In debt to the tune of $5.7 million, and facing a class-action suit from patients who believed he performed unnecessary surgery on them, he was featured on America's Most Wanted more than once. This week, he was caught, 6,000 feet up an Italian mountain, living in a tent. (Thanks, Steve Silberman!)

http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/boingboing/iBag/~3/bvSWRgep--g/vintage-frazetta-ant.html

Many thanks to copyranter for reminding me about the world's greatest anti-smoking ad, illustrated by Frank Frazetta, and co-starring the world's only selectively-blind teenage surfers. (Click image for a closer look.)